Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
only you would photoshop your dick
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
