I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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