he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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