just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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