Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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