Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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