definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
