This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
