Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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