I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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