i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
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Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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