That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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