I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
