fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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