Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
