we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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