Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
