Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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