we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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