You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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