dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
