dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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