I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
