my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize