GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
