i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
