Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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