dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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