I must be too annoying 4 u.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
