you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Everything about him screamed your future.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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