I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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