She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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