It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
