Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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