My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
