i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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