thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
