So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial