I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
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You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
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Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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