You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
