Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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