I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
