I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
