Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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