I don't think brook has ever known best
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
