I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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