I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
