i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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