I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
