I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
