Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
