Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
