I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
