So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
