i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
