If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
