i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
