I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
