I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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