I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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