So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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