the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
