You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
