well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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